Upping The Honesty - The New Me

I've always considered myself a very open and honest person. I REALLY struggle with anything besides a white lie. I simply find it a helluva lot easier to keep your story straight, when I say what ACTUALLY happened, not some convenient fabrication that helps me.

True, I've lied. EVERYONE has. If they say they haven't, they're lying right then IMO. It's a lot like e.g. pleasuring yourself. Maybe it's not that common among girls, but which GUYS don't. Having said that, I can't really be dishonest. Not telling the whole truth, yeah, but lying outright? Not me.

I'm taking it to the next level. I believe that white lies serve a purpose. I'd still sort of filter what I say to friends. I'm not gonna say something in a social setting about how I've always considered that person to be a gigantic penis. Last night, as we were falling asleep, we watched a House episode about frontal-lobe inhibition. It was a tad scary, and a good reminder that you can't be COMPLETELY honest, all the time.

This past weekend, I had my 10-year reunion. Initially, it was entirely mind-blowing! After a while though, a lot came out concerning my old school behaviour I'd rather forget. I wasn't the nicest guy, but I've moved past it as a young adult. To make a novel into a short paragraph, it sucked to me, and it shouldn't have. I would like to publicly thank Messrs Douglas Saxby and Gavin Kyte for their immense effort in getting all the troops together.

I was then completely honest with my father about the evening's activities. I wasn't OVERLY concerned with the $$ I spent. There was a lot of value for it anyway. Rather than make up some lie about it, I told the truth. It felt great to say EXACTLY what was on my mind. He agreed with most of what I said, and wasn't upset at all about that course of events. It really felt phenomenal.

The human brain is a wonderfully enigmatic thing. I'm a little conscious, because of recent events, that my brain might not be wired in quite the same way as before the accident. Dad told me a story about someone who couldn't see the left side of anyone. I believe the right side was reflected so that the subject looked whole. I don't have the specific details, but the important bit is that it felt almost natural to that particular person. The brain acts and is structured very weirdly, that's why neuroscientists get so much money.

So to summarise, I believe I'm a good person. I help and love others, give to charity, am nice to pretty much everyone I meet, the list goes on. I don't believe I need to think things like: "Won't that make me look like a donkey?" or "What if he doesn't like that?" Even if it does or he does not, it probably wasn't anything major anyway, and someone will say something to make me realise that the incident's results were unacceptable. I've surrounded myself with great people. 

I can think about stuff like "What's important as far as what I wear goes?", in my spare time. Once I've decided, I don't think I should question myself much. I'll rather be prepared to say what's on my mind. I can CHANGE they way I think, but I can't deny that I had a thought. Once again, that doesn't mean I can just go around as some misanthrope (I'm not!), just making people feel like shit. It's a complex topic, and I'd like to explain it a bit further - I just have this jazz on my mind, really. Perhaps Wednesday!